10 rules to dating my daughter

05-May-2019 21:10

You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck.

If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule #1 If you plan on taking my daughter on a date and come to my house and honk your horn or call her cell phone you'd better be the UPS man, because you are not picking anything up.

Rule #2 If you touch my daughter be prepared to have removal of the touching limbs from your body in any such way that I feel appropriate.

Once upon a time, callow young men almost always met their dates' dads.

This ritual vetting was an important part of protecting the human species from random romantic mistakes.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me.

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Just because this is a commonality does not mean that it will be happening with my daughter.In most cases, it was like shaking hands with a smiling canned ham. The more impressive the girl, the worse her father. I mean, aren't parents the most indecipherable of all human beings?If your date was Goldilocks, her dad looked like Shrek, big, green and warty. "Of course, that's not exactly what her father meant.This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter.Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget.

Just because this is a commonality does not mean that it will be happening with my daughter.In most cases, it was like shaking hands with a smiling canned ham. The more impressive the girl, the worse her father. I mean, aren't parents the most indecipherable of all human beings?If your date was Goldilocks, her dad looked like Shrek, big, green and warty. "Of course, that's not exactly what her father meant.This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter.Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget.If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating.